You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
