Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
