Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
