Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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