My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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