would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
