Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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