My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
