i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
