accomplished twins. life is a go
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
