I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
