my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
