I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
