He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
