I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
