I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
