Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
