i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
