'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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