Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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