My underwear smells like fireworks.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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