sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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