I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
