Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
