i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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