This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let's get the cat blown out
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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