walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
