I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
