Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
