that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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