i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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