Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
