She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
