Just fell off a train. Bad.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
