this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
