oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
