had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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