I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
