Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I AM VODKA MAN
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
