Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
