Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Farmville is her only friend.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
