how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
