We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
