I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
