My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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