Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
