This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
