I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
