After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
