Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
